Question of the Month
by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
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I have loved this man for many years, and he's constantly telling me that someday he'll feel the same way. He asks me to be patient and says his love is "growing", and that there's a good chance we'll be married one day. I wait and wait and though he does come closer at times, he usually withdraws and things go back to the way they were. How long should I let this go on? Do you think he will marry me one day?

Answer:

It's very easy to get caught up in a fantasy trap, hoping, waiting, believing and dreaming that what we wish will one day come to pass. Sometimes, people fuel our fantasies as this person is doing to you. He gives you some hope, comes close for a little while, even says things which keep you going.

But, the real question is, does his behavior match his words? Is there true reason for hope in what he is doing, or are you involved in dreams and fantasies? These dreams and fantasies can take our lives and years away from us.They are dangerous. They can cause us to live in a make believe world and never find the closeness and love we desire.

Don't pay attention to his words, or to your own hopes and dreams. Simply pay attention to the reality of his behavior... What is his behavior saying? How long is it going on? What are the facts of the situation?

Although this may be painful to face at first,when you are able to do so, you will gain clarity and freedom from this bind you are in.

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